who are you, after all

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you’re not there.

i felt you walking away
i can’t see you or hear you
but i can feel the touch that isn’t you
i can feel you not there.

you never were.
you were a lovely decoy to me
professing feelings you didn’t feel, you were

interjecting loudly and flipping your hair
on the webcam.
over time i saw myself in you;
that’s how much i changed myself for you

your words i memorised by heart
copied and pasted even
i learnt your brand of wit, i learnt your favourite colour;
and i made them mine.

i tried to appeal to you, tell you i was
searching
for someone like you to bear my cross;
you were the only one i’d ever known

but you’re not there.

i was never good enough for you.
i was yours to lose, yours to command,
but you threw me away for something that was real.
i thought we were close, i thought we were getting there

but everytime I reached out to touch your face
my fingers felt only plastic

ping.

father&daughter

in hell, by the fireplace

you were never quite the same as Goneril, you know
never as rugged, never as gritty.
she would accompany me on all my trips
smiling for the crowd, running ahead of me
England liked her, they loved her so much

while you were away, I was in the garden
there were flowers and bees, and butterflies
you weren’t there, so I
closed my eyes and pretended I saw you
standing there, smiling down

and from Regan, you were quite different
never as close to me, never as chatty
she would skip into my study and beam
she would blow me a kiss and tell me the weather
England liked her, they loved her so much

while you were in the study I hid in my room
there were papers and books, and pens
you weren’t there, so I wrote down
a poem for you, and pretended you replied
in invisible ink on the cold mahogany

you were like a petite ape
you were confused and timid, but you were
crazy, raging with suppressed emotion

you were a cold figure, a shadow with a crown
your two anorexic bodyguards a screen around you
I pretended they were nice but I was wrong

and it was impossible to get to you
so I tried to pretend you didn’t exist

and you didn’t seem to know I existed
so it was impossible to get to you

but I never really gave up
even as I breathed my last
because I know that we’re really the same.

duologue

the failure

hit my paunch,
hit it hard and smile, son
we are one, and we are happy

we were one
so what happened, dad?
why is this?

rosy blot covers floral t-shirt design
you bought this for me
hawaii, remember?

who are those blue men?
why did they come for you?
why did you run?

had to leave you behind
but you’ll remember me
we were happy

when did it all start?
how did you get a gun?
what happened to…

don’t ask, son.
I had to do this
it was all for…

you

dark and wistful

midnight poem

four white-washed walls:
black, though, in only
dimmed nacreous moonbeams that
flicker.
you wait for day to come,
hoping for hallow’d Apollo to
grace the day,
knowing that
only this infinite twilight will last
forever.

rhyme scheme

a whimsical poem to show the negative effects of rhyme scheme

he is suave and pretty
anything a man could be
he knew the most pick-up lines
and thus was truly divine
and there was no one in school more fine

he walks up to girls and asks for their names
they answer him sweetly and smile like it pains
he asks them out
they pretend to pout
but of course they’re happy beyond a doubt

in the evening they go out together
when suddenly he sees this girl
the fairest one on earth
so beautiful in girth
as if she owed a fairy to her birth

he knows what to do,
because without her he’d be a fool
he’ll try to land that sexy incarnate of smarm
yes, he would, with his savoir faire and utter charm!
he would walk up to her with cool cucumber calm!

he does so.
he walks up to the charming human doe
tries out a line
one he’d considered most fine
and even made a clever half-rhyme

the girl blinks at him
the boy looked a little dim
he was babbling on and on
something about the depths of his fond
something about their quintessential bond

“sorry, lad, I know you ain’t half bad
especially in that charming way you’re clad
but I can’t accept you
for this here man must be given his due
ah, heck the rhyme scheme – he’s my boyfriend.”

he stares
pretends to look at somewhere away, there
he tries to say something witty
but all he can manage is “gee”
and, um, “whee”.

and there ends the veneer of his charming bravado
for he crumbles at the sight of pure, pure gold.

am I not?

everything and nothing

It cannot go on,
this emotional duress you arrest me.
Not that you are privy to my thoughts.
But it is your fault.
You led me into hoping for more,
hoping for a future,
all the while bating my heart with unknowing ease.
Now I like everything about you,
see you in my sleep,
whisper your name at home.
But still I know nothing about you.

For while you are everything to me
I am nothing to you.

emotica

disillusion

everything I’ve stood for
everything I thought was
never was

I’m back down again
bottom of the heap
I’m a dime a dozen
and so are you,
we all are.

we mean nothing to everyone.
I used to think I meant.
used to think I could change,
lead, persevere,
be a hero if I tried.

but there are no heroes.
the story never was.
there is no princess,
no gilded prize

no beginning.

utopia

Untitled.

A land where pixies thrive and fairytales come to life

They spoke in Metaphor -
a tongue, ageless in lore -
and pranced around
waving their chatoyant wings
Muggles don’t see them
Muggles don’t believe
but do you?

In the iridescence of sun on grass,
I saw them, and many others.
I was in a book, and the clouds
and the bubbles that never burst
and the princes of yore.

e-love

love on Friendster

I’m watching that bracketed number increasing
I’m getting known
I’m getting known

I used to be weedy and lame
no one knew me
was all alone
dark; emo

then I found you, grey face of LIGHT
clicked on a few buttons
posted a picture
wrote a few words

I said I was cool, and so
I was; was athletic
and so I was.
they thought I was
and I almost felt like it.

made Friends with just anyone
testis, comments, tags
made me THEIR bud
we had known for forever (almost)

and I -
I love you.
love your tender testimonial
love your friends,
the profile you deign to include
you touch me with your pictures
the only window I have of you.

I see your face and go numb, staring
into your stationary eyes.
enamoured of your immortalized face
hoping you would look back at me.
you never do
(but that doesn’t matter -

I love you.
I love you.)

let’s marry.

too much paper!

paper chase

life’s one big race
can’t let up the pace
I can’t see your face but that’s okay
you don’t pay.

running out of days -
used to stargaze,
out of that phase, now
snapped out of that daze.

my life’s on a tray
in the bottom of May
it’s now or never:
I know now, where the golden goose lays.