father&daughter

in hell, by the fireplace

you were never quite the same as Goneril, you know
never as rugged, never as gritty.
she would accompany me on all my trips
smiling for the crowd, running ahead of me
England liked her, they loved her so much

while you were away, I was in the garden
there were flowers and bees, and butterflies
you weren’t there, so I
closed my eyes and pretended I saw you
standing there, smiling down

and from Regan, you were quite different
never as close to me, never as chatty
she would skip into my study and beam
she would blow me a kiss and tell me the weather
England liked her, they loved her so much

while you were in the study I hid in my room
there were papers and books, and pens
you weren’t there, so I wrote down
a poem for you, and pretended you replied
in invisible ink on the cold mahogany

you were like a petite ape
you were confused and timid, but you were
crazy, raging with suppressed emotion

you were a cold figure, a shadow with a crown
your two anorexic bodyguards a screen around you
I pretended they were nice but I was wrong

and it was impossible to get to you
so I tried to pretend you didn’t exist

and you didn’t seem to know I existed
so it was impossible to get to you

but I never really gave up
even as I breathed my last
because I know that we’re really the same.