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you’re not there.
i felt you walking away
i can’t see you or hear you
but i can feel the touch that isn’t you
i can feel you not there.
you never were.
you were a lovely decoy to me
professing feelings you didn’t feel, you were
interjecting loudly and flipping your hair
on the webcam.
over time i saw myself in you;
that’s how much i changed myself for you
your words i memorised by heart
copied and pasted even
i learnt your brand of wit, i learnt your favourite colour;
and i made them mine.
i tried to appeal to you, tell you i was
searching
for someone like you to bear my cross;
you were the only one i’d ever known
but you’re not there.
i was never good enough for you.
i was yours to lose, yours to command,
but you threw me away for something that was real.
i thought we were close, i thought we were getting there
but everytime I reached out to touch your face
my fingers felt only plastic
ping.
